Silver Stackers logo

Silver Stackers

Discussion forum for those
who love to stack precious metals

You are not logged in.

Announcement

Forum registration is temporarily disabled due to a spam attack.

#51 2013-05-28 20:24:30

markcoinoz
Silver Stacker
From: Melbourne
Registered: 2012-04-29
Posts: 685
Trades :   37 

Re: JOTD

Poker Player

Two couples were playing cards one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife's legs were wide apart, and she wasn't wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit His head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness, John admitted that, well, indeed he did.

She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial situation as well as the moral costs of this offer, John says that he is indeed interested.

She tells him that since her husband, Bill, works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, that John should be at her house around 2 PM Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house for the planned time at 2 PM sharp and after paying her the agreed upon $500, they went to the bedroom and completed their sexual transaction as Sue had promised. Afterwards, John quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 PM and upon entering the house, asks his wife abruptly, "Did John come by the house this afternoon? "With a lump in her throat, Bill's wife answered, "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon."

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"

In terror, she assumed that somehow he had found out, and after mustering up her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500.

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

NOW THAT'S A POKER PLAYER!


Cheers Markcoinoz

Offline

The following 7 users say thank you for this post: renovator, scone, bloomst, sammysilver, Holdfast, Marsi, Scyb

#52 2013-05-28 21:43:19

Fat Freddy
Member
From: Zeta Reticuli
Registered: 2012-11-10
Posts: 627
Trades :   

Re: JOTD


Caveat emptor!

Offline

The following user says thank you for this post: bordsilver

#53 2013-05-29 05:34:13

boston
Silver Stacker
From: Australia
Registered: 2009-07-06
Posts: 3,995

Re: JOTD

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.

"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know ####?"

And then she went back to reading her book.


Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak...

Offline

The following 9 users say thank you for this post: spannermonkey, SilverSurfer77, markcoinoz, boneyard, bordsilver, AngloSaxon, Holdfast, Argentum, Ceallach

#54 2013-05-29 07:27:10

JulieW
Silver Stacker
From: Australia
Registered: 2010-10-14
Posts: 10,897

Re: JOTD

A very successful oilman dies. He faces Saint Peter, who says, "You've been a good man, and normally I'd send you to heaven, but heaven is full. We only have a place for you in hell."

The oilman asks, "Any chance I could talk to other oilmen who are in heaven? Maybe I can convince someone to switch places with me."
Saint Peter says, "It's never happened before, but sure, I don't see any harm in it."

The oilman goes to heaven, finds an oilmen convention, and yells, "They found a huge, cheap oil discovery in hell!" So oilmen are stampeding out of heaven straight to hell, and our oilman is running with them; he's leading the pack. Saint Peter shouts to him, "Why are you going to hell with them? I have a spot here in heaven for you now!"

The oilman shouts back, "Are you kidding, what if it's true?"

(from Outside The Box this week!)

Offline

The following 6 users say thank you for this post: markcoinoz, mmm....shiney!, Midnight Man, AngloSaxon, bloomst, Holdfast

#55 2013-05-30 03:19:51

theiain1
Member
From: Australia
Registered: 2010-10-11
Posts: 238
Trades :   17 

Re: JOTD

Can you manage the Federal Reserve better than Ben Bernanke? The Wall Street Journal on Wednesday unveiled the "Federator," a video game in which you can maneuver Bernanke's helicopter to maximize employment while minimizing inflation.

http://projects.wsj.com/games/thefedera … =inert-wsj

Offline

The following user says thank you for this post: bordsilver

#56 2013-05-31 19:16:15

bordsilver
Silver Stacker
From: Socialist Central
Registered: 2012-05-23
Posts: 9,383
Trades :   36 

Re: JOTD

6824_graffiti.png


Anyone who lobbies a government in order to get the government to ban something is in my view an undesirable person. And I mean anyone. - Kris Sayce

Offline

The following user says thank you for this post: wrcmad

#57 2013-05-31 19:45:52

Peter
Member
From: sydney
Registered: 2009-07-27
Posts: 2,447

Re: JOTD

What do the letters   A D stand for?



National Dyslexic Association.


....................................
"It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a sick society." ~ Jiddu Krishnamurti

Offline

#58 2013-05-31 20:40:48

Naphthalene Man
Silver Stacker
From: Hunter Valley, NSW
Registered: 2010-02-25
Posts: 5,365
Trades :   101 

Re: JOTD

Dad's joke alert
I don't know where i heard this one so apologies if it was on here...

What do you call three legged donkey?



A wonkey!


''Up ahead they's a thousand' lives we might live, but when it comes, it'll only be one''
- Ma in John Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath.

Offline

The following 2 users say thank you for this post: MyNamesNotBen, SilverBrumby

#59 2013-06-02 09:16:34

boston
Silver Stacker
From: Australia
Registered: 2009-07-06
Posts: 3,995

Re: JOTD

An Emergency Call Centre worker in London has been dismissed from her job, much to the dismay of colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with her treatment. It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating,

"I am depressed and lying here on a railway track. I am waiting for the train to come so I can finally meet my Maker."

Apparently "Remain calm and stay on the line" was not considered an appropriate response.


Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak...

Offline

The following 4 users say thank you for this post: Spode, markcoinoz, bordsilver, billybob888

#60 2013-06-04 05:18:56

boston
Silver Stacker
From: Australia
Registered: 2009-07-06
Posts: 3,995

Re: JOTD

I was listening to the radio this morning when the host invited callers to reveal the nick-names they had for their wives.

The best call was from a brave chap who called his wife "Harvey Norman"

The Host asked him why that name?

He replied, "Absolutely no interest for 36 months."


Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak...

Offline

The following 3 users say thank you for this post: Lord_Dudley, Marsi, mmm....shiney!

#61 2013-06-04 05:20:59

bloomst
Silver Stacker
From: Melbourne, Australia.
Registered: 2012-07-16
Posts: 4,826
Trades :   416 

Re: JOTD

He WAS a brave men...


I am the Petal who like metals smile

Offline

The following user says thank you for this post: bordsilver

#62 2013-06-05 03:14:39

scone
Silver Stacker
From: Under Downunder
Registered: 2012-03-15
Posts: 1,623
Trades :   50 
Website

Re: JOTD

I went on a date with a girl with a stutter.

The waiter asked what she would like to order.

She said, "N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n..."

At that point, I decided to help her out and shouted, "BATMAN!"

Offline

The following 2 users say thank you for this post: bordsilver, Alfie

#63 2013-06-05 03:58:36

steve.rsa
Silver Stacker
From: PER
Registered: 2012-06-28
Posts: 363
Trades :   

Re: JOTD

*Got a letter from Grandma the other day. She writes...

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed!

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is... and I didn't notice that the light had changed.It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed!

I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!"

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking!I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"...

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.Then I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.My grandson burst out laughing...why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Grandma


It's the internet.
We argue about everything until someone posts a picture of a cat. That's how it works around here, right?

Offline

The following 2 users say thank you for this post: ironwood, ausau

#64 2013-06-05 03:59:35

steve.rsa
Silver Stacker
From: PER
Registered: 2012-06-28
Posts: 363
Trades :   

Re: JOTD

The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety.
"Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses."
"Warehouses?" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!"


It's the internet.
We argue about everything until someone posts a picture of a cat. That's how it works around here, right?

Offline

The following user says thank you for this post: AngloSaxon

#65 2013-06-05 04:07:12

SilverSurfer77
Silver Stacker
From: Brisbane
Registered: 2011-11-24
Posts: 2,525
Trades :   193 

Re: JOTD


Silver!!!!! Get it while you can

Offline

The following 2 users say thank you for this post: boneyard, scone

#66 2013-06-05 06:51:59

boston
Silver Stacker
From: Australia
Registered: 2009-07-06
Posts: 3,995

Re: JOTD

A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems.
    "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor.
    "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy [email protected]@rd and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."


Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak...

Offline

The following 5 users say thank you for this post: boneyard, mmm....shiney!, DanielM, Lord_Dudley, 10ozhound

#67 2013-06-05 06:56:56

boston
Silver Stacker
From: Australia
Registered: 2009-07-06
Posts: 3,995

Re: JOTD

The Wife

    A man sits reading his paper when his wife enters the house; she approaches him in a most provocative manner.
    "Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up?" asks the wife in a soft voice.
    Not knowing what to make of this situation he replies "No."
    Pursing her lips she gives him a sexy little smile, reaches into her cleavage and slowly pulls out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.
    Then stepping in closer she asks in a low sexy voice. "Have you ever seen a fifty all crumpled up?"
    Intrigued he answers "Uh, no."
    "Now" she says as she leans down and whispers "Have you ever seen thirty thousand dollars all crumpled up?"
    Totally confused and excited he stammers "No-o-o-o."
    "Well" she whispers in his ear, "Then go look in the garage….."


Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak...

Offline

#68 2013-06-05 08:52:43

Scyb
Silver Stacker
Registered: 2012-11-21
Posts: 825
Trades :   84 

Re: JOTD

Shouldnt she have done something after asking about the crumpled fifty? tongue

Offline

#69 2013-06-05 09:42:16

southerncross
Silver Stacker
Registered: 2012-07-26
Posts: 3,325

Re: JOTD

Sticky fifty ?

(Edited to add:) Crumpetled

Last edited by southerncross (2013-06-05 09:44:15)

Offline

The following 2 users say thank you for this post: boston, bordsilver

#70 2013-06-05 19:40:34

Alfie
Member
From: It's girt by sea
Registered: 2011-07-26
Posts: 346
Trades :   12 

Re: JOTD

glovebox


Idaho.. no UDAHO

Offline

#71 2013-06-13 01:09:08

boston
Silver Stacker
From: Australia
Registered: 2009-07-06
Posts: 3,995

Re: JOTD

Two blokes playing golf one day when they come up behind two ladies playing incredibly slow.
After a couple of holes one decides he will stroll down and ask if they can play through.
Gets half way down the fairway, turns and comes back.
Other fella says ###.
One is my wife and the other is my mistress.
OK says the other, I'll do it.
He gets half way down the fairway and also turns and comes back.
He looks at his mate and says........
SMALL WORLD.


Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak...

Offline

The following 3 users say thank you for this post: scone, bordsilver, ironwood

#72 2013-06-13 04:00:17

SilverSurfer77
Silver Stacker
From: Brisbane
Registered: 2011-11-24
Posts: 2,525
Trades :   193 

Re: JOTD

It's not about the nail lol


Silver!!!!! Get it while you can

Offline

The following 2 users say thank you for this post: sammysilver, Burg0

#73 2013-06-13 04:10:23

JulieW
Silver Stacker
From: Australia
Registered: 2010-10-14
Posts: 10,897

Re: JOTD

mmmmmm..   a party pooper

Offline

#74 2013-06-13 06:15:45

10ozhound
Member
From: Crows Nest
Registered: 2013-05-03
Posts: 472

Re: JOTD

Q. Whatcha call a cow wid two legs?
A. Lean Beef

Q. Whatcha call a cow wid no legs?
A. Ground beef.


The closer you look, the less you'll see.

Offline

The following user says thank you for this post: wrcmad

#75 2013-06-13 06:47:15

wrcmad
Silver Stacker
From: Northern NSW
Registered: 2012-01-02
Posts: 6,068
Trades :   117 

Re: JOTD

10ozhound wrote:

Q. Whatcha call a cow wid two legs?
A. Lean Beef

Q. Whatcha call a cow wid no legs?
A. Ground beef.

Q. Whatcha call a deer wid no eyes?
A. No idea.

Q. Whatcha call a deer wid no eyes and no legs?
A. Still no idea.

Q. Whatcha call a deer wid no eyes, no legs and no genitals?
A. Still no f@#king idea.


Anything is possible, but not everything is probable.  wink

Manipulation..... If you want to continually subscribe to this idea then get out of precious metals. Only a fool would play a game that is completely rigged. As you still are in the game, I would say that you are not completely convinced of the manipulation ...

Offline

Board footer

Powered by FluxBB